Khaike paan Banaras wala...khuli jaye band akal ka taala

So...there is much noise around the popular Bond figure Pierce Brosnan endorsing Paan Bahaar paan masala.

Most 'modern' Indians thing its inappropriate, funny and all other words in the dictionary ranging from 'Ehhh' to ' Uhh'.

Most of these paan masala despising people with a strong colonial hangover find it funny to share it on facebook posts without realising their colonial hangover that allows them to do that. Many are also unaware that Rajnigandha sponsored the Jaipur Literature Festival this year. Read about Paan masala at Jaipur Literature Festival. and a very nice tweet mentioned on Wall Street Journal, sizing it up all:

Braking news : 94% of #panbahaar consumers don't know who#PierceBrosnan is & 97% of those getting agitated by the ad don't eat pan masala.

Anyways...

Whats the problem with Bond endorsing paan masala....when people often talk about him endorsing alcohol brands....his drink 'shaken not stirred'.

So, alcohol is cool and paan masala isnt. You will have to put the 'spitting argument' aside for some time. The reality is that a large part of India does endorse popping something into the mouth and keeping it while another large part of India endorses popping a liquid like beer or whisky into their mouth. While both are bad...but beer is something which comes from the developed worlds while things that you put in the mouth is hardcore Indian. Most of the alcohol consumed in India is called English wine and nobody cares about Indian wines or promoting things like mahuli or tadi. Its not cool because its hardcore Indian.

Indians are very happy endorsing brands which are not rooted in India... whiskies, scotch. But when a Irish guy endorses something which is very Indian...its not acceptable. Bond can endorse Scotch but not paan masala.

The problem with us Indians is that some things are so blatantly rejected despite their Indian origin that it becomes uncool to endorse them...until some white skinned people tell us that its actually cool and it becomes cool. This is nothing but our colonial hangover of looking up to something which is endorsed by white skinned people.

Wait until Bond endorses beedi.

I have seen very many non-Indians liking the beedi but its sad that nobody wants to promote it.

Everything is wrong with Indian stuff...right from sari, alcohol, designs, language, eating with hands, speaking in Hindustani. All of them are uncool unless somebody tells us its not.

Am glad paan masala is getting some endorsement now.

It may however, be said and acknowledged that paan masala is injurious to health and so is tobacco and alcohol.

I am sure we can find a solution to the spitting issue. I know of many highly educated Indians consuming paan masala and gutka and being proper with it. Its just that its not mainstream to eat paan masala.

I would also love Bond to endorse paan itself...the Banarasi paan....which is a delight I tell you.

And I hope more and more Indian eat paan Banaras wala so that khul jaiye band akal ka taala.

Come on guys embrace India...There is nothing wrong in consuming paan masala or paan. Its as wrong as smoking cigarettes and consuming alcohol.

and I would have loved to write this article in Hindustani.

Indian Independence Day in a British agency

 In 2012 I joined a British Government Agency in New Delhi. It was just a normal transition into new job until the nationalist in me got triggered.

Its normal in India to see the tricolour and remembrances of freedom fighters in the run up to Independence Day. Its more marked in the school education sector, where I come from. 

The first trigger was a display of paintings in the office corridor. Made by school students during summer, some of them had the tricolour and portraits of nationalist leaders like Gandhi, Nehru, Radhakrishnan and Ambedkar. It was interesting to see pictures of Indian nationalists in a ‘British’ space.

Little did I realise that I would be triggered, yet again, soon as Independence Day was around the corner.  

I have been used to office spaces being decorated with Indian flags and its colours, a couple of days before Independence Day. I knew I will surely miss it in my current office with it being a British agency. But then how can an official agency of Britain celebrate Indian Independence Day…as the very concept of Independence in India is anti-British…and it has to be since we got independence from the British. Being a nationalist historian as well, interesting thoughts started crossing my mind.

Indian nationalism has been constructed on a variety of pillars and one of the pillars is definitely on how British colonialism exploited us and how we came out of it with our freedom struggle. No doubt every Indian child is shown numerous films and plays of how we fought with the British. Children read books about it and all of this gets together to support our nationalism.

It was that pillar of Indian nationalism, which was triggering me…and making me uncomfortable to celebrate Independence day inside a BritishGovernment agency, being an employee. A couple of us friends just joked around…perhaps we should go around the office shouting slogans - British Quit India!

At the same time I was thinking how difficult it would be for Britain (or Britisher) to be a part of Indian Independence Day celebrations.  While Britainrespects India’s independence, how can it support a day in India, which is all about criticising what Britain did to India? I wonder if Britain sends India Independence Day greetings.

I immediately started admiring the modern world and the current world context. On one side, we Indians do take pride in having fought the freedom struggle against Britain and on the other side, a supposed nationalist Indian works for a British agency. And then the nationalist writes in English (the language of the people whom we won the freedom struggle from) for a English newspaper.

The journey of Britain from a coloniser to a development aid partner in the last 66 years is interesting to note. And that’s what I admire about the modern world that the notions of traditional nationalism do not exist now…though some of us may want to tag along with them.  Perhaps, we need to redefine the way we celebrate Independence day and contextualise it in alignment with the newer paradigms of the modern world.

I wrote this piece onyear, and thought I must share it with the British Government Agency top boss before I make it public. However, the agency did not allow me publish it saying that it may jeopardise Indo-British relations. Well these are some last hurdles we have to cross in this post -colonial world.

A conversation with a British...actually Scot colleague reminded me of what I had written and I thought I should publish it now having moved on from that job established myself in the new one. We had something called a 'Scot-xit' referendum and then Brexit, which prompted my Scot colleague to use the term Inde-exit for Indian Independence... jokingly. Another, Canadian colleague corrected that it was not an exit but a rejection of colonisation. But, the incident got this article out of my archives at least.

Right now I am trying to choose the right words so as not to offend either Indians or British. Be politically correct. How silly? Training of being part of an inter-governmental body. Why do we humans have to be politically correct and not speak our minds...even for fun. And while my national identity was taken aback by Inde-exit, it did put me on a thinking track.

Also, what I am thinking is that if Kashmir becomes another country and gets freedom (which I wouldnt want)...would a Kashmiri be writing a similar article about India House in Srinagar and I call it Kashmirexit.

Interesting thoughts!

JNU has always been 'seditious' and we are proud of it.

JNU is a very seditious university if I go by the Indian Penal Code.

I have had my time discussing and arguing about independence of Kashmir with some of my Kashimiri acquaintances, when I was a student there. And of course we talked about Pakistan also, when we talk about these.

If the current government had its way, most of my batchmates would have been in jail on charges of sedition.

JNU has produced a number of bureaucrats and diplomats and as part of the job they have to have many seditious discussions with people around the world. I guess what happens at JNU is just a practice session for time to come. JNU Presidential debate and many other forums exist for this and I think thats what makes JNU different from many other universities. It contributes to relevant debates and issues of the country.

Though I have no sympathies for Afzal Guru in any manner (I do contemplate whether, death sentence is a viable punishment ), but to arrest the JNUSU President or for that matter any student of the university because he is raising his or her opinion is tyranny. If some people in this country think he shouldnt have been hanged, let them say atleast. After all most of us commenting didnt see the evidence or follow the court hearings.

Everybody has a right to express opinion, no matter how obnoxius it may sound. We allow mullahs and pandits and granthis in India to express their defiling opinions and not arrest them. Somebody declaring to destroy a temple or a mosque is bigger sedition in India than somebody supporting Afzal Guru, considering that we are a secular republic as put in the constitution. We never said in our constitution that India is a nationalist republic.

Lets change our colonial penal code for sedition.

I am courting arrest by current government of India for the following reason very close to my heart:

1. Our national anthem doesnt inspire me and it should be changed. None of the Indians understand it. let our national anthem be Saare Jahan se Acha. Iqbal's masterpiece. So what if he chose Pakistan. At least people understand it.

Sorry...got a little emotional.

Just want to add for all the people out there slamming JNU. One incident at a university doesnt merit all the criticism. JNU has contributed a lot to the nationalist and secular fabric of this country. Of what all that made you a nationalist...that textbook in school was written by Bipan Chandra, Irfan Habib and Romila Thapar.

I am a proud nationalist JNUite.
P.S - Lots of jokes going around. I was hurt. One of my JNU friends commented Joke is Joke. Joke is koi jaat nahi hoti. So, I started enjoying these jokes. Let me share one from a friend who needs to be heading a top advertising agency in India but isnt. JNU should be named Jinnah National University. Ha Ha Ha.

Paan Masala at Jaipur Literature Festival: A nationalist and environmentalist's POV

Disclaimer: I dont endorse paan masala, though I do consume it occasionally. I have never visited the Jaipur Literature festival. I never edit or re-read my posts. Issued in the interest of paan masala consuming people and environmentalists.

Dont know if the eminent literary personalities at JLF paid any heed to what was printed on the huge bill boards claiming themselves to sponsor the festival. Rajnigandha was one of them. Its a renowned brand of paan masala in India. For the non-Hinustani speaking and non-South Asian literary personalities, colloquially called firangs by the paan masala eating community, paan masala is a concoction of betel nut and some other stuff, the consumption of which is supposedly injurious to health.

But this is not a blog entry of a WHO professional. So, lets come to the point straight.

Most of the paan masala eating community in India must have never heard of JLF, even though there money was being spent on the festival. Afterall, Rajnigandha was the second biggest sponsor of the event. Dharampal Satyapal, the original owners of Rajniganda, must surely have had a reason to sponsor the festival and to promote the silver pearls product (silver coated cardomom seeds) rather than the popular Rajniganda paan masala.

And more interestingly, the so called literary creatures of India and elsewhere, would never ever think of getting on stage with Rajnigandha paan masala in their mouth. Its not the in-thing to do at a literary festival, even though that very company is the second biggest sponsor. Interestingly, Rajnigandha was the key sponsor of the ignored cousin, Delhi Literature Festival.

It would not be wrong to presume that JLF is primarily aimed at English Literature and not Hindustani literature, even while taking cognizance of the fact that some of my friends performed dastangoi at JLF and the fact that this blog is in English and not Hindustani. Taking sheer economics in light, the paan masala eaters would rather have wanted their money spent on a mushaira or dastangoi than perhaps listening to the so called literary guys, who shy away from speaking in Hindustani and would rather not want to be seen eating a paan or paan masala. But that is for Dharampal Satyapal group to decide.

It is worthwhile to mention that the environmental cost of eating paan masala and spitting it, is surely less than consuming a bottle of mineral water, the container of which (read plastic bottle) will never ever get recycled in Jaipur and would perhaps be buried on this planet for million of years. I wonder why the average JLF goer shies away from popping Rajnigandha and rather drink some coke or mineral water from a pet bottle. Let me add that Rajnigandha was one of the first companies to introduce paper packets for its products. Pic Below of plastic pet bottles at JLF

Even after having said the above, it doesnt stop a writer from expressing the fact that perhaps more needs to be done at an Indian Literature Festival (meaning based in India) to make it more Indian than merely doing it at the Diggi Palace and inviting some firangs to spend a nice winter in Jaipur basking in sunlight. Pothi padd padd jag muya...pandit bhaya na koye. Stop using these plastic bottles...you literary people.

Also, we need to think if its an effort of Rajnigandha to become cool or JLF to become more Indian.

Muh men Rajnigandha...Kadmon men duniya #JLF2016

P.S - Even Zee TV the main sponsor is more Hindustani than English...though one colleague from Jaipur tells me that Zee English is coming soon.